the unthinkable

Date: May 1, 2003
Time: 21:18
Place: Beside myself with embarrassment

About 4 hours ago I became the punchline to a joke. Perhaps not as momentous a punchline to as hideous a joke as Bush's "Mission Accomplished" stunt 4 years ago, but a true "duh" moment. Being unable to eat much else, I figured I'd treat myself to some ice cream. I tried to buy some right after the surgery yesterday, but the cashier at the Gristede's (from hell, where food goes to expire) would not sell it to me because the freezer had broken earlier. Good thing they treat the regulars well, or I could be adding botulism to my list of complaints.

Anyway, I stopped in at a grocery store a tad further away which is a much cleaner enterprise with a higher turnover. I'm partial to Ben and Jerry's Phish Phood, but they didn't have any. I saw something reasonably interesting and instinctively grabbed the one behind it, because everyone knows the front one has been fondled in some disgusting manner and placed back there. It LOOKED like the same stuff, but no. When I got home, I discovered that I had bought Ben and Jerry Vanilla Ice Cream. I should rinse out the carton and put it next to the chunk of fence board that was white-washed by Jackson Pollack and the Jet Propulsion Laboratory nail clippers.

The vanilla beans are guarnteed not to be from any country getting ripped of by the IMF/Wolfowitz World Bank (no link to Eddie Clontz and the WWN, puhleez!) . Still, I feel even a bigger chump than usual. To extend Christopher Hitchens' contention that god is not great, he is also gratuitous.